AGENT COULSON ISN’T DEAD, YO

by on 14/05/12 at 2:49 pm

AGENT COULSON ISN’T DEAD, YO

I’m not a person who puts much truck into “spoilers,” because I’m an old-school entertainment consumer. Back in 1980, I bought the novelization of The Empire Strikes Back and found out Yoda was a little blue yard gnome. The experience of watching the film was so different than the experience of reading the book that it forever impacted my idea of “spoilers.” You can tell me Rosebud is the sled and Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time and I will still be entertained by the journey when I see it unfold on the silver screen, nonetheless.

So it is in that spirit I can tell you… you, gentle reader, who has probably already seen The Avengers anyway, given that it’s made a billion dollars world-wide in ten days; if you are reading this, you have seen that flick, statistically speaking. So I can tell you without guilt that Agent Coulson is not dead.

Oh, sure; it looks that way, what with him getting stabbed by Loki and bleeding out. What with him saying to his boss with his last breath: “We both knew this wouldn’t have worked…” and the audience finishes for him “… if they didn’t have somebody to avenge.” Seems pretty final, I admit. But… and I have to ask… have you people never read a comic book? Jean Grey died, and came back. Captain Marvel. Bucky, man. Bucky, who gives Cap his whole reason for being. Bucky came back from the dead. Aunt May, Professor X. Jonathan Kent. Comics lore is embarrassingly full of characters who die in one story for impact who are resurrected again for a different sort of point. Do you think it will be any different with Agent Coulson?

If you do, allow me to point out the many, many ways Joss Whedon’s script allows for Coulson not just to come back… but for him not to be dead in the first place.

First clue: THE GUY WHO DIED WASN’T AGENT COULSON. So, seriously, that wasn’t even Coulson. Fury sent the real Agent Coulson to protect Jane Foster and to get him off the helicarrier. Nick Fury says that to Thor in what is initially perceived as a throwaway line, that she’s been sent on assignment and is being protected. By the real Agent Coulson, of course.

Second clue: Tony Stark answers his phone when Coulson calls with, “You have reached the Life Model Decoy of Tony Stark…” introducing the concept of LMDs into the Marvel movie universe. If there are Larry Young LMDs all over the 616 (Cable #60′s SHIELD Air Cav commander, Deathlok #11′s drunken robot, and Fury #3′s attache to Nick Fury himself), it stands to reason that there might be more than a few Coulson Life Model Decoys kicking around the movie universe… especially since Fury calls him his “one good eye.”

Third clue: Loki pulls the mirror decoy thing on Thor and says, “I can’t believe you keep falling for that.” So even without the clone-like LMDs, there is Marvel movie universe precedent for being tricked by doubles.

Fourth clue: every character who talks about Fury says he’s a master manipulator, with secrets and machination and wheels-within-wheels. You don’t think he could do a bait-and-switch without thinking about it?

Thematically, there’s a huge precedent for bypassing Whedon’s predilection for killing off a well-known character to up the stakes for the A-team. In comics, death isn’t the finality it is in the real world, and as long as a character is popular and resonates with the audience, there’s always a chance for a return. In Agent Coulson’s case, it’s not even a rebirth. Dude just went to the Pacific Northwest to safeguard Thor’s human girlfriend, and comes back into town to a bunch of crying friends. I can totally see this shot in the next movie or two:

EXT. NEW MEXICO DESERT PLAIN – DAY

A calm, midday landscape. The camera tracks slowly, almost lazily, from left to right to reveal THOR standing in front of PROFESSOR SELVIG’s research van. Selvig and BRUCE BANNER stand idly by. Banner is absent-mindedly wringing his hands, deep in thought, as Thor and Selvig natter.

There is a screech in the sky, overhead, as the repulsor sounds of a SHIELD flying car alerts the crew. They look up as the car floats down, gently.

The wheels spin from horizontal to vertical and the car alights on the sand. The driver’s side car door pops open and the steel-toed boot of NICK FURY hits New Mexico dirt.

FURY

Gentlemen. Time’s short. You’ve read the brief on the Infinity Gauntlet?

SELVIG

The gems’ sentience, yes, of course.

JANE FOSTER gets out from the passenger side of the flying car. She starts speaking before she sees Thor is there.

FOSTER

The decree has been overturned?

THOR

Jane!

They embrace. Worlds apart, lovers forever; reunited. Music swells. Eyes tear.

A blue-suited functionary fumbles out from the backseat.

AGENT COULSON

What?

Seriously. Agent Coulson isn’t dead.

7 Responses to “AGENT COULSON ISN’T DEAD, YO”

  1. EJ

    May 14th, 2012

    You know what kind of clinched it for me? The blood on the trading cards. Yeah, Fury’s an SOB, but if he actually fished the cards out of Coulson’s locker and used them to defile his top agent’s corpse… well, he’s not just a manipulator. That makes him The Worst Person. The Son of Coal is still out there.

  2. Rob Lavender

    May 14th, 2012

    Yeah, but weren’t you also the guy who tried to convince me that Mr. Phelps wasn’t dead because “Mr. Phelps” was an office title and not a name, so John Voight and Peter Graves were two different people and that Ethan Hunt would end up being a Mr. Phelps in the 2nd movie? Yes. Yes, I believe that was you.

    A brilliant idea, clearing poor Peter Graves’ good name, and I wish Tom Cruise had overheard you and used it, but Hollywood is Hollywood and sometimes they just kill people off. Despite our laboriously researched personal wishes.

  3. Poopinablanket

    May 14th, 2012

    …. Isn’t it possible for Fury just to have lied? You only really have his word as to whether Coulson’s dead or not. No LMD’s, no illusions, none of that junk. Coulson just got stabbed, flatlined, got revived by the EMT’s (the ones who “called it,” according to Fury) and Fury just claimed that they guy was dead to motivate everyone.

  4. Larry

    May 14th, 2012

    Robby, I’m not saying he isn’t dead. I’m saying they can bring him back if they want to, easy.

  5. deboslive

    Jul 24th, 2012

    Have you ever hears of US Agent? In the Thor movie there is a mini episode where Agent Coulson goes to New Mexico and stops at a gas station where he displays super soldier abilities. Super soldiers can flat line in order to recover from injuries. Although the cellist reference does suggest the Vision…

  6. Felice Harwood

    Mar 5th, 2013

    That is a relief. I cried for days after he died.

  7. starK87

    Aug 26th, 2013

    At the end of the Avengers you see Coulson walking toward fury, Coulson hands the female papers an before you can see his face clearly it cuts back to fury.

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